Middle-Aged Women: On A Quest


Standing on the brink of change, whether we want to be there or not.

Moving forward while looking back.

Longing for a sense of safety and fulfillment which can only come from within.

Mustering the courage to envision and then create something more.

Feeling dissatisfied enough with all that is familiar and predictable, to risk losing it.

middle-aged women are not in crisis, brave questYes, we might feel a little pissed off that we are gaining weight, sweating profusely, and have lost the ability to sleep through the night. This seems unfair after giving our best selves to others for so long, but perhaps the ravages of middle-age are part of the transformation process every heroine must endure as she follows a calling to become her truest self.

There is so much letting go to be done at this age, yet so much possibility.

This is the nature of a quest.

It is distinctly uncomfortable –

and exciting – to find yourself wanting more.

The way is not clear and often feels impossible. There is no road map or guarantee. No one can promise that the treasure gained will be worth all that is given up in the process.

Whether you want more intimacy in your relationships, more fulfilling work, or more time to relax or be creative – you will set out on a quest to find it when the danger of remaining still outweighs the comfort of what is familiar and safe.


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  1. Cheryl says:

    Hello Annie:

    I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I’m very stupid and don’t know why I have left my husband earlier. We’ve been together and/or married for 15 years and I’ve lived in denial for so many of those years. He hit me again last week and I know it’s time to move on, but I’m so scared. He paints me out to be the wicked, drunk one, but really he’s trying to coat himself with perfect paint. I like most moms enjoy a glass of wine or two with friends and after a hectic day, but at times he’s so extreme with his behavior. All of my close friends and family know what I go through and I’m lucky enough to have their support when I call out for it. He’s a very intelligent man when it comes to business, very wealthy, high profile in our business world, but must have deep internal issues that spark his violent behavior toward me. After all of those years, I don’t believe that he values his mother and I think he harbors resentment from the behavior and divorce his mother and father expressed and he experienced when he was a child. We are a well to do family and our divorce may make the news. Please help me realize that even if it does? – It really doesn’t matter. We have two amazing children together and three more from previous marriages. It’s my two little boys that I’m concerned about and finally now – ME. I don’t know if this is appropriate to leave on your blog, and I apologize if I’ve overstepped boundaries, but just beginning to lift a turning page of my life and reaching out… I’m out of the country now, but will see counseling upon my return. Thank you for devoting some of your valuable time to vulnerable people and confused like me.

    1. annie kip says:

      Hi Cheryl, thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Taking care of yourself is so important. Giving your children a safe home is so important. I can’t begin to fathom the complexity of your choices and certainly cannot advise you. Getting really clear about your boundaries can make every other decision easier. My thoughts are with you.

      1. Cheryl says:

        Thank you Annie… I’m trying to keep a good head on my shoulders, process and digest what’s coming up next. Thank you for listening…

        1. annie kip says:

          Be kind to yourself, Cheryl. Try not internalize what you are getting from your environment. Sitting with the feelings that you don’t want to feel is the hardest part – but often the most fruitful in unexpected ways.

  2. Philomeana says:

    Great post Annie – the problem is admitting that I am “middle-aged”!

    1. annie kip says:

      Hi Philomena – you are very funny! Maybe that is the essence of our middle-aged quests – to come to terms and find what is valuable about being middle-aged. For me, it is motivating to realize that my life is half-over. I don’t want to look back and see that I wasted my time, so I am trying to let go of the things that I can’t fix – wrinkles, gray hair, etc. and move toward the things I do want. Even baby steps are steps on a plenty perfect quest!

  3. Jean Owen says:

    For me, what you are describing is true and I am way past middle age. It is the process of aging as we live, facing what is ahead and remembering where we have been. You are a wise woman Annie

    1. annie kip says:

      Thank you, Jean. I am so fortunate to have your presence in my life – from near or far – to observe you and learn from your experiences.

  4. Karen says:

    It’s all about taking a risk. As a self-described risk-averse person, this is not a comfortable position. However, sometimes we just have to take the leap and give it a try. Quoting one of my favorite workout T-shirts, “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great!”

    1. annie kip says:

      I love that quote, Karen! Yes, we just have to start. We can’t know where our steps will lead, but we figure it out as we go, don’t we? You are such a brave woman and I am so inspired by your journey.

  5. Rita says:

    All births are messy and painful. Damn it. 🙂

    1. annie kip says:

      Yes – and scary and no guarantees – but so worth it!

  6. Deb says:

    Hi Annie,
    This post seems like you’ve just read my palm or something ,as it’s spoton for me- I can relate to it all! I’m trying to exit an old job , but need to build my new business up first, I’m at the beginning of my divorce process which involves a lot of looking back , but a lot of looking forward into The scary unknown, dealing with a flabby middle and sweating a lot at 51. I read a quote once about the need to let cracks appear in your life so that the light can shine through. X

    1. annie kip says:

      Hi Deb, I love that idea – letting the cracks appear so the light can shine through! I have to believe there is some method to this madness we are going through in midlife. I see ladies a little older than we are and admire how they seem to have settled into a peaceful, confident place. I do believe that we have to let go of what we think we know to have access to things we don’t know yet.

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